Am I actually…bored?!

It is the worst part of the year, readers. I am alone on New Years eve. So I was originally really excited about my first New Years celebration being 21 and all. I can actually order a drink! But suddenly my dreams came crashing down. Mogli is on his family vacation since they live in a zoo and are limited to vacating the premises only in the wintertime. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy that his family remains close and spends a week in Florida every winter. Matter of fact, that’s one of the biggest reasons I do love him so; family is important. But at this very moment, sitting in my room without a sound but the wind whistling around the corners of the house, I am selfishly wishing he was on his way to my house right now so we could go out a share a drink along with a few smooches tonight as the clock stikes twelve. But alas, he is parasailing.

^^^ He’ll come back tan and beautiful and I’ll be white and pasty with an extra butt-cheek that grew in from holiday eating.

So I racked and racked my brain, “Who is a) not awkward, b) not busy, and c) 21 years of age or older?” See, my horoscope in the paper said that I should get out tonight, that it would be a good omen for the year to come. Ironically, Mogli’s read that he should make calls to loved ones! “Oh my gosh, they know!” I am not THAT superstitious, but it is kinda weird. And it’s not bad advice! I should get out! Just because I have to work until 10p.m. and the love of my life is hundreds of miles away doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have a good time…and he would agree.

^^^ “People! Ooo…Ahhh…”

Finally I wrangled one of my old friends who I haven’t seen since this past summer. We’re going out to a little bar and having a drink. YAY! My first sitting-at-a-bar experience. And I am sure I will check in relatively early. I have to get up at a desent hour tomorrow morning for family festivites. I am making Cher’s fried goat cheese salad for everyone. YUM! Thanks again for the recipe, Cher!

^^^ Now THAT’S something to celebrate!

Besides being bored, the Mormons came knocking about an hour ago. It was two young men over-dressed going door-to-door trying to convince people to become Mormons. “Sorry, I’m not interested.” Anyway, since Sunday, I have had a chance to go out with a couple friends but nothing too eventful has happened. I think it’s because I don’t HAVE to do anything. Not having a schedule will drive someone like me crazy. Stress…someone stress me out, PLEASE! Ok…I’m kidding. I’m sure that as soon as the spring semester kicks in, I will be begging for break again. But for now, I want to wish everyone a happy and above all, safe new year. Here we go 2009!

^^^ Happy New Year!!!

Festivities, gatherings, and the famous sibling rivalry.

I’m gonna be honest, folks. I really don’t have a topic to write on; I just felt the need to write. For almost two full weeks, I have been on winter break from college and let me tell you, I am fully enjoying my time at home with family. Finally, I have been sleeping for more than six hours a night, every night, for months at a time (including weekends). I should insert that six full hours is a definite imporovment from last year; I usually got about five hours a night last year. But at the present, I find myself leisurely reading “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen and I am REALLY enjoying it. The book was a gift from my dear friend and one of my roommates, Cher. I am in love with the movie and although I enjoy reading, I have never sat down with this particular book. I suppose the tom-boy side of me was crying out in my subconcious mind, “Only girly-girls read that book!!!” But on the contrary, I have found the old style of the English language just challenging enough to make me feel like I am reading a novel superior to modern day literature that is churned out like factory cookies. And on top of that, it’s actually VERY entertaining. Mr. Collins is hilarious and I can’t tell how many times I find myself shaking my head at Mrs. Bennett’s shananigans; she reminds me of my own mother.

As for the holidays, I have recieved many things that were on my list as follows: a little braided, leather necklace with a pendant made of hammered nickel in the shape of an oval, a nice watch that happens to be waterproof (yay for creek-digging and research!), LOTS of feminine thermal underwear (cuddleduds, to all you women who know what I am talking about; it’s basically long-jonhs with lace), a Marc Chagall calendar (he is one of my all-time favorite artists), a new jacket (now Cher, I know what you’re thinking. Yes, the quantity of jackets I own is a sin. However, I am replacing a hand-me-down jacket that was lent to me last winter by my mother that is a size too big. Now this one fits! And it’s eggplant-purple!), and finally, LOVE! I got lots of love this year.

Now that I think of it, I recieved a great deal of gifts and I felt very spoiled. My brother “Jake” opened fewer gifts (even though my mom took him shopping the other night as his big Christmas gift). I felt vert strongly that my mother was making up for something with me. Ok people, let’s get personal. A few months ago, you may recall that my brother graduated from Marine boot camp. Presently, he is stationed across the country for his MOS training to become an electrition for the Marine Corps. Here’s a little back-story- for most of my high-school experience with Jake, I was excelling in the classroom while he was not. My brother is very smart, but does not apply himself which is the case of many students. He is naturally a good artist and has a creative and humorous temperament. So while I succeeded in the classroom, my parents gave him a hard time for not living up to his potential.

Since Jake has joined the Marines, we are all incredibly proud of his achievements and feel that he has found his niche! He’s doing what he loves and is getting paid for it! Well, when I got home, I got a nice welcome from my mother who took me out for sushi and sake. When Jake got home, there were tears and hugs and me, mom, and dad fighting over who got to drive him home from the airport. Now bear with me here; I am delving in deep. You can imagine how it might feel to the other kid who is usually being praised for good work. Suddenly, I was in the background. It didn’t matter that I was on the Dean’s List AGAIN. “Hey Dad, my lowest grade was one B.”   “That’s good honey. Hey Jake! Wanna go see a movie tonight?!”  Frown.

This was the first time in my life that I had actually felt like I was “loved less”. I want to assure all readers that my parents were NOT choosing favorites. I know them better than that. I was just being a sulky college kid. But this whole sibling rivalry has never really occurred to me because I was always doing what kids are “supposed” to do: get good grades! And now, Jake is doing something even greater: he is dedicating his life to the protection of our country. As a few days went by with Jake home, things have settled down. My Dad is heeding my existence a little more and we all layed around today and watched movies. I helped Mom with the roast and we all ate an incredible dinner of roasted veggies, sauteed mushrooms, fruit, dinner rolls, and of course, the tenderloin.

As a closing, I brought up my own personal feelings about sibling rivalries because it was a subject I was unfamiliar with; it is something I have never really experienced. It was strange to KNOW that I was loved just as much as my brother, but then to FEEL otherwise. We can be irrational creatures. I suppose this is something that may happen to many of us during the holidays. You are out, living your own life. Suddenly the holidays come and everyone is brought from their present habitats back to their old ones. It can be a little cramping. But remind yourself (as I have had to this December) that it is the holiday season and the holidays are about FAMILY, the most important thing in the world.

Love…Actually?

A few months ago I made a posting entitled “Love” and it is perhaps one of my most popular posts! Go figure. I had many comments and apparently my emotions drew out a lot inward feelings from many of my readers. Ew. Anyway, on a more serious note, I thought I might broach the subject once more. Recently after I published that post, something happened to me; I realized that the man of my dreams was standing right under my nose (or over my nose…he’s tall and I am, ahem, petite). I had mentioned the awkward situation where you LIKE someone, but you’re not crazy about them, right? Well that was happening to me at that very moment. I liked a guy. But then I realized that I would never love him and I think he felt the same way about me. So shorty thereafter, we agreed to be friends.

^^^It looks kinda like graffiti.

All the while, I was feeling more and more attracted to my research partner, Mogli. Here’s a little back-story: I met Mogli at the beginning of my freshman year in college because we were in the same learning community. However, Mogli was stuck on the floor beneath the community due to a lack of space. We became friends but weren’t terribly close and I always had an eye for him but thought nothing of it; he was just so friendly! Just Mogli…and I had a boy-friend. Apparently Mogli had an eye for me too. He pretended to know about the TV show “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” (the one thing my roommate and I at the time could agree on) and would watch it with us in our room. I came to know later that he had absolutely no idea who Buffy Summers was or that Sunnydale was the Hellmouth.

^^^ “Do you like Buffy?”  “Oh yeah! I love that show!”

One night I offered to play some Scandinavian metal for him on my laptop; I was attending a concert few days later. I mentioned casually, “Yeah, it’s in this little night club…You could probably still get tickets if you wanted to.” So Mogli, in his quiet demeanor, nods his head and casually says, “Ok. I’ll go!” He bought a ticket that night and rode for almost four hours north to see a band he heard for five minutes…with me and my boy-friend (at the time) and my boy-friend’s little sister. Up until this point, Mogli had apparently been pursuing me (I was oblivious) but after meeting the guy I was dating and deciding he was a pretty decent guy, decided to back off. After freshman year, the two of us remained distant friends, only saying high at 8:00 a.m. before organic chemistry started and making small-talk across our lab benches.

^^^Ah, behold a blossoming romance. Not.

During the spring of my sophomore year, I decided I wanted to pick up some research but I didn’t want it to get in the way of my classes so I found the nicest professor possible, whom I shall call Beetleguese, and asked if a summertime research project in my hometown was at all possible. And of course, Beetleguese made it happen. I would be working with the National Forest Service and cataloguing mayfly species in lotic stream systems. YAY! Only one thing missing: A research partner.

But wait! By golly, I got it! I know ONE person who happens to live about thirty minutes up the road from me; he’s the only biology major with whom I am aquainted and might actually want to do research. It was Mogli. And I chased that guy around for almost an entire semester to get him to sign on! He is the worst of procrastintors, always so laid back. It got to a point where I was convinced he was avoiding me. After all, I had been single ALL YEAR LONG and he NEVER once asked me out although I was sure he was going to. He must not like me and doesn’t want to do research; he’s just trying to make me feel better by telling me he’s interested in research when really he’s not. So I dropped it.

Then one day I bumped into him at the student union. I was picking up a package. “Oh hey there! Looks like I am still getting packages from my ex’s mother.” (I still love that woman to death…always will!)

He chuckled and paused, “Wait, what? You two broke up?” He had NO IDEA…For an ENTIRE SCHOOL YEAR.

I was shocked. “Uh…yeah, right when classes started. We weren’t right for each other. Still friends though! Are you still dating…” I had forgotten her name…

“Kacey.” He filled in the blank.

“Yeah!”

“Yeah, we’re still together. Oh hey! I talked to Dr. Beetleguese a couple days ago and signed up for the research project.”

Again, I was shocked. I was so convinced that he really wanted nothing to do with me but I was wrong. And the rest is history. We didn’t really go on a date until about the end of July. On our first day of research, quiet Mogli hardly said a word. It was a darn good thing I had written that “21 Questions” post; I had some backup material. And boy, I was really scrappin’ the bottom of the barrel. I had decided once more that he was just a friend; I talk to much.

“Soo…Oatmeal or Chocolate chip?” I asked these questions continuously just to fill the silent void. As the summer progressed, Mogli found himself single again and much more talkative so we began hanging out outside of research. First it was a Fourth of July firewoks display. Next it was outdoor jazz concert. Then my friends house-warming party… And finally a real dinner date. That night, it happened. He finally kissed me. And it was the most wonderful perfect kiss I have ever received. We kissed until about 1:00 in the morning under my favorite climbing tree from when I was a little girl (the tree was conveniently located next to his parked car…that was the escape route in case I rejected him. smooth).

^^^ “Mogli and Christine, sitting under a tree; K-I-S-S-I-N-G….”  Except it was pitch black and we were standing on my mother’s shrubs…shhh!

Since that night, I have learned about Love, actually. The real kind of love. I am not saying that my format is the “find your love rubric.” I am saying that I learned that no situation is typical. Some things take time. Heck, it took us two years and half a summer of digging in streams before we caught on! But when it happened, it caught like wildfire.

So from my situation and past experience, I offer advice (it’s not necessarily good advice…just advice). If there is someone you feel drawn to, act on it. If it doesn’t work out, now you know. On the same note, if there is someone you are seeing but the fireworks just aren’t there, be honest with yourself and to the other person. Finally, don’t listen to a word I, or anyone else says. Do what your HEART and your BRAIN tell you to do. People often feel too much with their hearts; their hearts often get broken. But for people who think about it too much, they often loose something that could have been great. Use both.  Think about it. Feel about it. And never expect it. Love stinks when you’re waiting for its arrival like you wait on the bus.

^^^You’ll get old waiting on love. Let it come to you.