The #1 thing worthy of my confusion countenance: Pickup lines.

Have you ever had those moments where you just want to cock your head to the left and squint your eyes like, “Wha?” Well, I do. There are certain things in life that just make me scrunch up my nose in utter misunderstanding…And out of so many things, the one that always seems to pull into the lead is the world of men…or simply their methods of trying to rope me, the female, into a relationship…of any sort.

^^^ Yep…this is it. “Is this guy for real?!”

Numero uno- When a guy is blatantly trying to pick me up. Ladies, have you ever been walking along, say, into the grocery store or some other public place, when a car full of guys drives by you and yells something at you out of the open windows? I will pick one of my own experiences. I was downtown to meet a good friend for a sushi lunch this past fall. Since we were meeting at a nice restaurant, I had on my darker jeans, a blazer and an elegant scarf ruffled up around my neck- i.e. nothing at all revealing or too elaborate. Well this car full of young men drives by and one yells out, “Hey baby! I’ve got money!” As soon as they had driven off, I just had to stop, look in the direction in which they drove, and make the “confusion face”. I scrunched up my face (I tend to furrow my brow more than anything) and chuckled. Lafonda and I discuss this all this time. Do these guys REALLY think I’m going to stop and say, “Wow! You have money? That’s perfect for a gold-digger like me! Here’s my number!” ; ) No…I don’t think so.

^^^ This is more like it…  “Wow. I think he’s serious.”

Another story! I was at the gym tonight and this Puerto Rican-looking guy (he had some kind of accent) had a few of his accouterments sprawled out all over one of the machines that he was not using. I stood and stared at the cell phone and water bottle for a moment (making the confused face), wondering who had decided to hog all the machines. He came over and assured me that he wasn’t using it and that I could take as long as I needed…and then he winked at me. Yep…confusion face worthy. I chuckled and thanked him and, yes, I took all the time required for me to make my hamstrings burn. After I got off the machine, he approached me again and asked, “How’d it feel?!” What do you mean, how’d it feel?! So I have no real idea how to respond to this question. I answered abruptly, “Good!” and then realized my mistake. I must not give him any reason to think I am interested in a guy who hogs the machines at the gym! So I added, “But bad…You know, good and bad.” I felt like such an amateur at deterring members of the opposite gender. But alas, I was not at all interested and I was ready to duck behind the nearest elliptical.

^^^ “I am a sex machine…” His name is probably Rodrigo, or something. And I ran for my life. Please, Rodrigo, don’t wink at me again. And put your Blackberry away; you’re at the gym.

For my final story, I will reference another recent event. This past Saturday night, I was invited to a stranger’s housewarming party by my older cousin whom I shall dub “Joan” after Joan of Arc…Because she’s my hero. Well, as one might imagine, as the night wore on people were becoming more and more inebriated. Most everyone was under control but one fellow in particular had been a little over zealous with his alcohol. I was mingling with the people at the party, having decent conversations, when this guy walks up to me and says, “I think you’re attractive.” ::pause:: “I wanna know you…” ::in a very Ron Burgundy-esque tone:: At this, I literally make the face AT him; head to the left, scrunched nose and brow. I say nothing but, “Mhm.” Joan looked at the guy and said, “I’m sure you do, but I can’t say that she agrees…” She sent him off in the other direction…and we laughed very hard.

So in conclusion, I guess I just never really know how to react to these acts of flirting. To me, someone is more attractive when they are genuine and honest. And this abrupt forwardness doesn’t seem genuine at all. I never bite; never have and never will. I will continue to make my face and send whoever he is on his way. There is a difference between being bold and being just another guy. Being bold is introducing yourself and striking up a conversation. Being bold is kissing someone when they least expect it. Being bold is looking for something meaningful. But, in the their defense, I suppose these guys weren’t on the market for anything like that. Which is fine! To each their own, I always say. At least they know what they want…Or is it what they don’t want? Oh well…as always, “Wha?”

^^^ I am more interested in the intellectual type…and I’m bad a math…