My summertime blues…Not by Alan Jackson.
This past weekend, I ventured across the state with my parents to move some furniture into my apartment. Everything was fine and I had a WONDERFUL time with Lafonda and Cher (even though I only got to see Lafonda for about twenty minutes). Cher and I went out to a nice dinner, ate gelatto, and watched the movie “Penelope” which was adorable. We laughed…I talked…A lot (that’s how it works: I talk talk talk and Cher listens listens listens- my mouth runeth away).
^^^ This was such a feel-good movie! I loved it!
So after we got on the road to come back home I suddenly felt incredibly depressed and I don’t really know why. I think it mostly had to do with me being cooped up in a van for 5 hours, two days in a row (a trip that usually takes me 3 and a half hours). AND I was in the back seat with tinted windows; I hate tinted windows. On top of this, I haven’t washed my hair today and I wore no makeup with old shorts and a plain t-shirt. So I didn’t look that great either.
^^^ Me. Words need not be spoken.
Before we really hit the road to home, we stopped for a shopping spree which you think would sound like a ton of fun, right? Especially for a college girl! Wrong. In general, I hate the true sense on shopping. Don’t get me wrong; I like finding great clothes that fit and look good and blah blah blah. I shop very well with Lafonda…because we tend to like the exact same clothes (our closets are strikingly similar…even our shoes…down to the brand, color, and style). So we’ll stumble upon cute stuff, gather it up, and hit the dressing rooms. We both make our decisions quickly and efficiently; THAT is how I shop. I can go in a store and I can decide whether or not I want anything within two minutes. A quick breeze through allows me to scope out the premises and if nothing catches my eye, I leave.
^^^ “Nope, nope, nope, yes, nope….Done!”
My dearest mother, on the other hand, is the true female shopper. (Mom, if you’re reading this, please remember that I LOVE YOU DEARLY and that writers must draw from even the most unattractive and gloomy experiences to produce something readable and interesting.) When the mood strikes her, she will go into a store and won’t leave until she has purchased SOMETHING! Anything! So after shoe-shopping as a family and having wonderful luck, I split off to continue my own shoe-hunt (I am supposed to attend a wedding next month; I have a dress but no shoes). I hit three shoe stores within about fifteen minutes. My mother caught up with me and suggested we go to Anne Taylor. Now, I knew I didn’t want to shop there; I shop at Anne Taylor LOFT (a totally different store) but I decided I’d go with Mom (because who doesn’t LOVE hanging out with my Mom? She’s probably the coolest person I know…seriously).
^^^ My mother shops with style and grace…
This store is generally unpleasant. All the walls are completely white. The clothes are incredibly cookie-cutter and ordinary. They played the most awful music; you know, the kind when a female singer does all this crazy stuff with her voice and sings so loud that you feel like she’s yelling at you? Yeah. Mariah Carey, Aretha Franklin, and Christina Aguilera are the only women allowed to do that…because they do it well. Everyone else should be banned. Ok, I over-exaggerated, but this particular soundtrack that they played should be burned. And I don’t mean copied and distributed.
^^^ Ok ok… So there are a ton of really talented divas. But the girl playing over the loudspeaker at Anne Taylor is not on of them.
So my mother adores her children (myself and my older brother) and she is on this mad hunt to find the perfect wardrobe to wear to my brother’s Marine boot-camp graduation which is next month. (Yay for my brother, whom I shall dub “Jake”). And who can blame her? But my cruddy mood plus her ambition in this awful store did not bode well. I was being pushy, admittedly. But we must have been in this one store for about an hour. I was going insane. If we were anywhere else, I think I would have been fine. When we shop together in a store we BOTH like, it’s like heaven; I find my stuff quickly and feel accomplished so then I am content to wait more patiently and help her out.
^^^ “Is it over yet?!”
So we finally got out of there, mostly unscathed. A couple stores later after waiting some more, I lost my patience (a personal flaw of mine) and we all had to take deep breaths to start afresh. We split up; I went to Fossil where I could stare at watches and forget about trying anything on. Mom was able to hit some of her desired locations without her whinny daughter who shops like her father. Dad napped in the van. We were all much happier when we reunited.
Tomorrow I plan on sleeping in, going to the gym to get those endorphins pumping, shaving my legs, and laying in the sun for a bit. Perhaps I will cook dinner and dance around the house while nobody is at home…that’s one of my favorite things to do.
^^^ I think I will put on my Bollywood music and pretend I am this exotic Saharan princess who can belly dance the night away…
The #1 thing worthy of my confusion countenance: Pickup lines.
Have you ever had those moments where you just want to cock your head to the left and squint your eyes like, “Wha?” Well, I do. There are certain things in life that just make me scrunch up my nose in utter misunderstanding…And out of so many things, the one that always seems to pull into the lead is the world of men…or simply their methods of trying to rope me, the female, into a relationship…of any sort.
^^^ Yep…this is it. “Is this guy for real?!”
Numero uno- When a guy is blatantly trying to pick me up. Ladies, have you ever been walking along, say, into the grocery store or some other public place, when a car full of guys drives by you and yells something at you out of the open windows? I will pick one of my own experiences. I was downtown to meet a good friend for a sushi lunch this past fall. Since we were meeting at a nice restaurant, I had on my darker jeans, a blazer and an elegant scarf ruffled up around my neck- i.e. nothing at all revealing or too elaborate. Well this car full of young men drives by and one yells out, “Hey baby! I’ve got money!” As soon as they had driven off, I just had to stop, look in the direction in which they drove, and make the “confusion face”. I scrunched up my face (I tend to furrow my brow more than anything) and chuckled. Lafonda and I discuss this all this time. Do these guys REALLY think I’m going to stop and say, “Wow! You have money? That’s perfect for a gold-digger like me! Here’s my number!” ; ) No…I don’t think so.
^^^ This is more like it… “Wow. I think he’s serious.”
Another story! I was at the gym tonight and this Puerto Rican-looking guy (he had some kind of accent) had a few of his accouterments sprawled out all over one of the machines that he was not using. I stood and stared at the cell phone and water bottle for a moment (making the confused face), wondering who had decided to hog all the machines. He came over and assured me that he wasn’t using it and that I could take as long as I needed…and then he winked at me. Yep…confusion face worthy. I chuckled and thanked him and, yes, I took all the time required for me to make my hamstrings burn. After I got off the machine, he approached me again and asked, “How’d it feel?!” What do you mean, how’d it feel?! So I have no real idea how to respond to this question. I answered abruptly, “Good!” and then realized my mistake. I must not give him any reason to think I am interested in a guy who hogs the machines at the gym! So I added, “But bad…You know, good and bad.” I felt like such an amateur at deterring members of the opposite gender. But alas, I was not at all interested and I was ready to duck behind the nearest elliptical.
^^^ “I am a sex machine…” His name is probably Rodrigo, or something. And I ran for my life. Please, Rodrigo, don’t wink at me again. And put your Blackberry away; you’re at the gym.
For my final story, I will reference another recent event. This past Saturday night, I was invited to a stranger’s housewarming party by my older cousin whom I shall dub “Joan” after Joan of Arc…Because she’s my hero. Well, as one might imagine, as the night wore on people were becoming more and more inebriated. Most everyone was under control but one fellow in particular had been a little over zealous with his alcohol. I was mingling with the people at the party, having decent conversations, when this guy walks up to me and says, “I think you’re attractive.” ::pause:: “I wanna know you…” ::in a very Ron Burgundy-esque tone:: At this, I literally make the face AT him; head to the left, scrunched nose and brow. I say nothing but, “Mhm.” Joan looked at the guy and said, “I’m sure you do, but I can’t say that she agrees…” She sent him off in the other direction…and we laughed very hard.
So in conclusion, I guess I just never really know how to react to these acts of flirting. To me, someone is more attractive when they are genuine and honest. And this abrupt forwardness doesn’t seem genuine at all. I never bite; never have and never will. I will continue to make my face and send whoever he is on his way. There is a difference between being bold and being just another guy. Being bold is introducing yourself and striking up a conversation. Being bold is kissing someone when they least expect it. Being bold is looking for something meaningful. But, in the their defense, I suppose these guys weren’t on the market for anything like that. Which is fine! To each their own, I always say. At least they know what they want…Or is it what they don’t want? Oh well…as always, “Wha?”
^^^ I am more interested in the intellectual type…and I’m bad a math…
“Inside the mind of the writer.” Me answering my own darned questions.
After posting the entry on the questions from “Inside the Actor’s Studio” with James Lipton, I received a request from a reader (another blogger) to answer the questions myself! I had never really thought to do so before because, after all, who doesn’t love a mysterious writer (or just a complete amateur)? But alas, if I EVER receive a topic request, I will most certainly answer the call of duty and broach whatever it is that you readers want to read about. So here goes a rare look at the short stack herself:
1. Favorite word- “Vivante” which is French for “lively”
2. Least favorite word- I don’t even want to type it out I hate it so much. Think about it; it’s a synonym for “cat” that is used as a derogatory term… and I HATE that word ::grimace:: Matter of fact, I even thought about choosing a different word that I didn’t like so I could answer this question more comfortably. But then I remembered that complete and utter honesty is what makes a good writer a great writer. So there it is.
3. What turns you on- Manners.
^^^ Notice how the photo is black and white…It’s the only one I could find of a guy holding a door for a woman. Hm. Is chivalry dead?
4. What turns you off- The opposite of what turns me on; rudeness.
5. Favorite sound- Breakfast kitchen noises (dishes clinking, coffee brewing, food sizzling, people chatting, newspaper rustling…)
^^^ Breakfast is the most important meal of the day…I love breakfast.
6. Least favorite sound- Loud bass. When I was growing up, I had a lot of trouble with my ears. This resulted in many surgical procedures which in turn left me with little to no tympanic membrane covering my eardrums. The membrane is supposed to act as a shock absorber for low-frequency sound waves…Hence, bass hurts my ears.
^^^ Sub woofers are the devil.
7. Favorite curse word- I say “shit” and “dammit” too much. And I am working on correcting this habit. It’s simply not ladylike. For that matter, you boys shouldn’t do it either. But I have to admit; sometimes it is very refreshing to just let one out.
^^^ Hmm…notice a recurring theme? Yes, I believe in Southern chivalry.
8. What profession, besides the one you are currently involved in, would you like to attempt? I think being a reporter would be adventurous…and I think I would be good at it.
^^^ Not to mention that I could be like Lois Lane and marry Superman!!! : ) A girl can dream…
9. What profession would you least like to attempt? Working at a nursing home would make me extremely depressed.
^^^ I don’t know how nurses do it…Ya’ll are brave. What an admirable profession…
10. If heaven exists, what would you like God to say to you when you arrive? “Howdy.”
^^^ Hey there, God!
The second scarriest thing that’s ever happened to me: Arachnophobia sets in…
A couple weeks ago I made a post about the scariest thing that’s ever happened to me: Driving my boss’s BMW X5 luxury sport utility vehicle. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I have a scenario that comes in a REALLY close second. When I told people about the research I was doing this summer and how it concerned insects, they were confused. You see, I am not what you might call a “bug person.” Now, I have to defend myself; as I have gotten older, I have become much better with insects. Basically as long as it’s not a spider or a bee, I can deal with it. And if it’s a small spider, it doesn’t bother me at all.
^^^ This is not how I spent my childhood… but I did collect lightning bugs and caterpillars.
So let me paint a picture for you! This past Tuesday, I was out in the field as usual doing the same old stuff: pitching the kick-net, stirring up all the aquatic bugs, picking through the net, and collecting larval mayflies. Our location was, shall we say, off the beaten path; Mogli and I had to leave the car back by the road and walk into the site on foot…or just under the gate (Shhh!). As one might imagine, the whole creek was a bit difficult to access. There was a ton of vegetation and the gravel road was quite a distance from the actual water, so it’s not like we could just scamper through a few leaves and Voila! Water! It was more like choice A) Climb down a shear cliff or choice B) Fight your way through thick trees, bushes, shrubbery, POISON IVY/OAK for a good 30 feet to get to the creek. Well, because we wouldn’t want to disappoint you, we did both. Actually…because we had no choice, we did both.
Vs.
For the first five or so sites, we simply waged war on the wilderness that had officially reached “climax community” status…on the forest floor. We were thinking of heading out but we agreed that one more site would be nice to add to the list. Let me make a sidenote that Mogli is the president of the rock climbing club at our university. So he convinces me that we can climb down this wall of boulders that leads to a very lovely section of the creek. Well thank goodness he knows what he’s doing because I almost took a tumble a couple times on the way down.
So we reach the bottom safely and I am sent out into the water to pitch the kick-net. Halfway into the creek with the water at my knees, I notice this black mass sitting on a rock out of the corner of my eye. You know how your thoughts slow down tremendously when something alarming is about to happen; that whole ” your life flashes before your eyes” bit? Well, in the back of my mind, all within a split second, my thought process was, “Dear God, say it isn’t so. Tell me that’s not a spider.” God answered me. He said, “Yes.”
I kid you not, the thing was the size of my HAND. It was the most disturbing thing I have witnessed in my entire life. Anyway, back to story. With the shock of seeing a spider that huge, my first reaction was yelling, “OH MY JESUS LORD!” I wheeled around and started making my way very quickly back to the other shoreline. Mogli thought I was being attacked by something and was at my side in seconds. “I thought there was a water snake that bit you or something!” I pointed to the spider; his reaction was about like mine…but slightly calmer. I reminded him that a water snake would have been infinitely better than that monstrosity of an arachnid. Snakes don’t bother me a bit.
We tried…Ahem…Mogli tried capturing the spider so one of us could mount it on our wall. Heck, maybe it would be a new world record and it would put us through school! But our forceps were WAY too small and directly pouring ethyl acetate onto it would have been kinda cruel. So it got away. The next day at the art gallery, my coworker (I will call her Betty) and I googled different spider species to see if I could identify what the thing was and we concluded that it was a FISHING SPIDER. That’s right, folks. The darn thing eats FISH! And tadpoles! It even DIVES! Can you believe that?! I told her that it’s a darn good thing I didn’t know that the day before because I had to get back in that water, hold the net, and wait for Mogli to kick before I could get outta there. It could’ve had my leg for lunch!
^^^ Do you know how excruciating it was to find this image?! UGH!
Truth be told, that spider was way more afraid of me than I was of it…I think.
Inside the actor’s studio: a questionnaire.
It’s a good thing for all of you obsessive readers of my blog that I randomly write blog-worthy ideas on random napkins, post-it papers, and notepads. Without these helpful tidbits, I would be without a subject tonight! Because my life is boring right now…or at least I don’t know you all well enough to tell you the really interesting, nitty-gritty stuff. For now, I will resurface something I discovered while on the plane to Shanghai more than a month ago.
As mentioned, they had these great little TV touch-screens for each individual seat which proved to be a lifesaver when on a plane for 15 hours straight. We had many different options on what we could watch from movies to sitcoms to comedy and even documentaries! After I had exhausted all my movie options (and I was not about to watch Atonement for the fifth time), I was amazed to find the latest broadcasting of “Inside the Actors Studio” with Halle Berry. I love these interviews, getting into the minds of other people. It’s not about talking to a famous person; it’s about witnessing a conversation. And who doesn’t love James Lipton?!
^^^ Oh James… You’re so classy.
So James has this list of questions that he asks all the guests that come on his show. He briefly mentioned the source of his questions but it was inaudible and I am afraid I can’t reproduce the name of the questionnaire creator. However! I did record all the questions! And since my “21 questions” posting is by far the most popular of all the things I have written, I figured this would be a good sequel. So if you are still playing that stupid game with your friends, here is more material to prolong your fun!
^^^ Just imagine that you are Al Pacino answering these questions to Lipton…
1. Favorite word?
2. Least favorite word?
3. What turns you on? (I don’t believe this has a sexual connotation…just throwing that out there)
4. What turns you off?
5. Favorite sound?
6. Least favorite sound?
7. Favorite curse word?
8. What profession, besides the one you are currently involved in, would you like to attempt?
9. What profession would you least like to attempt?
10. If heaven exists, what would you like God to say to you when you arrive?
What the heck is beta-carotene? A tutorial on vitamins and minerals.
Folks, I’m not gonna lie to ya; I am REALLY tired. This week has wiped me out and each night that I get home from a long day of work (usually lasting from 11:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m.), I think to myself, “Hm…I should write.” But alas, I have not had the energy at all this week and I am afraid that energy still escapes me. However! Because I love you all dearly, I was brainstorming this morning over my heavily caffeinated coffee on what I should write about when I finally got an opportunity…which happens to be now…when I can hardly type.
Doesn’t it ever befuddle you when you’re, say, perusing the wealth of Nutrition Facts on the side pannel of your cereal box and see all this different stuff but you have no idea what any of it means?! It drives me crazy. When I was younger, I would ask my mother constantly, “What about blueberries is so good for you?” She would answer plainly that blueberries are rich in antioxidants. When I was a younger girl, this answer was quite enough, but now as a science major (when I actually have the ability to diagram an oxidation reaction on paper), I am truly unsatisfied with so simple an answer.
Now, because I pondered on it a while this past semester, I was able to reason through exactly what antioxidants really DO in your body. But then came the question, “Ok. What about all that other stuff? All the vitamins and minerals? What specific foods are they found in? And what do they actually DO?!” Before I go into all this, I will explain the oxidation reaction. Oxygen is great…for breathing. But take a look at the periodic table, ladies and gentlemen.
http://campus.ru.ac.za/full_images/img05206111510.jpg
^^^Take note of the orange and brown arrows; Oxygen is near the top right hand corner.
SO! Looking at these periodic trends, we chemists will readily conclude that Oxygen is quite the reactive species. Anyway, long story short, “undistracted” oxygen ions (without all their appropriate electron bonding patterns– it usually likes two single/ sigma bonds and one double/ pi bond) will readily react with other atoms/ molecules/ compounds… Henceforth! When oxygen is in free radical form in your body (meaning that bonding patterns are not satisfied), IT WILL REACT ON YOUR TISSUES, breaking them down! Imagine, the walls of your intestines, just chillin out one day when suddenly WHAM! “Hi! My name is Oxygen Plus One (ion) and I need another electron! Let me bond to you and take some of your tissue away so I can have my octet!” That’s how it works…in the most elementary way I know how to explain.
^^^ This is an example of an oxidation reaction.
What this all leads up to is another cut-and-paste party where, I, the “writer”, will provide you with a plethora of information on vitamins and whatever the heck they’re really doing for your body. I will also include the section on WHERE you can find this awesome stuff. Once again, I do NOT plagiarize; here is the site I used : http://bodiesofstone.homestead.com
VITAMIN AMOUNT WHAT THE HECK IT DOES! : )
5000 IU For vision, eyes, clear skin, healthy bones, hair and teeth. 5000 IU (Beta Carotene) Antioxidant turns into Vitamin A when the body needs it. 400 IU Calcium and phosphorus metabolism for strong bones and teeth. 30 IU Prevents oxidation of proteins, fats and vitamin A, protects red blood cells. ** Helps the blood clot properly. 60 mg An antioxidant that is credited with building the immune system to prevent colds and illnesses, and destroying or minimizing the effects of free radicals and nitrosamines related to carcinogens. (Thiamine) For functioning of nervous system, appetite and energy. (Riboflavin) For the skin, eyes and energy. (Niacin) For the skin, the nervous system and mental performance. (Pantothenic Acid) Develops acetylcholine a neurotransmitter for functioning of adrenal glands Helps metabolize protein and fat and is needed for red blood cells and hemoglobin synthesis. 0.30 mg Metabolizes amino acids, and important hair growth. Red blood cell formation, metabolizes fats, amino acids, protein synthesis. ** Prevents fat accumulation in the liver. And neurotransmitter in the brain.Inositol ** Involved in calcium mobilization.
Also included: Where the heck do I find this stuff?!
Leafy Green Vegetables and Fruits for Antioxidants
Leafy green vegetables provide antioxidants that build the immune system to fight off illness and dis-ease. Antioxidants are protection from harmful free radicals that can damage and reduce healthy cells and promote the cell aging process.
Antioxidants Free radicals cause irreversible damage (oxidation) to cells like rust on a pipe. They form and grow on the damage done in your body from smoking, exhaust fumes, radiation, excessive sunlight, certain drugs, intensive exercise without proper nutrition, stress and abnormal metabolism. As free radicals build they damage your healthy cells, ultimately this speeds the cell aging process because they eave your body vulnerable to advanced aging, cancer, cardiovascular disease and degenerative diseases like arthritis.
Your body has a natural antioxidant mechanism that protects you from most cell damage. Fruits and leafy green vegetables have substances in them that act as antioxidants. Antioxidants are available as supplements
Soybeans are Natural Estrogen – Soybeans contain isoflavinoids that are actually weak estrogen. These compounds ease menopausal symptoms and reduce the risk of uterine colon and breast cancers. It also lowers LDL level cholesterol. You can get soybeans in a Soya protein powder. This powder mix is filled with amino acids that aide in memory retention, weight loss and increases muscle. Pregnant women especially should consult with their physician before taking soy products.
Cancer Prevention: Last year, the American Institute for Cancer Research launched a new educational program called “The New American Plate,” which calls for Americans to shift the proportions on their plates for lower weight and better health. By emphasizing how healthy proportions will look on the plate (“two-thirds or more vegetables, fruits, whole grains and beans; one-third or less animal protein”) and offering recipes that emphasize the flavors, colors and textures of plant foods, the New American Plate has helped thousands of people consume a more varied and healthy diet.
Lutein: Spinach, avocado and other yellow or leafy green vegetables contain lutein which concentrates in the retina and the lens where it reduces the risk for cataracts and macular degeneration, the leading preventable cause of blindness in America, which affects 13 million people. Surprisingly, he said, lutein also slows prostate cancer cell growth. And when it is combined with lycopine, lutein demonstrates independent and additive preventive effects on prostate cancer cell growth.
Essential fatty acids (EFA’s) are “good” fats necessary for producing new cell membranes. What scientists are discovering about EFA’s is especially encouraging relative to the eyes. We already know that omega-3 and omega-6 fatty acids, for example, have a wonderful track record for enhancing the health of the heart and balancing water in the body. Recently, researchers have learned that these fatty acids also help maintain the delicate fluid balance in the eyes.
St John’s Wort is nicknamed herbal Prozac. This herb is thought to act in the same way as some antidepressants by enhancing the effect of the neurotransmitter, serotonin, in the brain. It has a long history of use. One of the rare side-effects of St John’s Wort is an increase in sensitivity to light. This may also explain why it is effective for treating SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) related depression in the winter.
Benefits of Uncooked Natural Foods: Avoiding cooking prevents the hazards of the microwave, of burns, of fires, of enzyme destruction, of carcinogens created by heat, the cost of cooking, the time of cooking and of cleanup, carcinogens in metal cookware such as aluminum, etc.
Low Acid Foods – Many diseases come from over acidification of the body. Meat, eggs, fish, nicotine, coffee have high acid contents. Fruits, even citrus fruits, are excellent for potassium which offsets sodium and acidification. Fruits with average levels of potassium include apricots, peaches, bananas, raisins (l/2 cup), prunes, cantaloupe, figs, dates, watermelon, and juices such as orange, grapefruit, tangerine and prunes. Fruits in general are alkaline and therefore reverse acidification.. Even citrus has a biochemical change in the body.
Kidney stones are caused by excess calcium (in animal products), excess oxalic acid (from the cooking of some vegetables, and other factors. The thin green layer between potato’s brown skin and white interior when cooked causes oxalic acid, e.g. Fruitarians in general have the fewest kidney stones. If you like fried potatoes it is better to cook them in olive oil and to peel them to avoid the oxalates
Fruit has the most natural fiber for good intestinal function, those who eat lots of fruit have the least intestinal cancer, constipation, appendicitis, hemorrhoids, peritonitis; etc. Citrus fruit becomes alkaline in processing. Fruit is the least acid of all foods and therefore the food which is best for long life.
Almonds contain a high percentage of essential amino compounds and are rich in protein. Although the percentage of fat is high, it’s an unsaturated oil that is readily digested and assimilated. Almonds have an alkaline effect in the body, the most complete alkaline of any other nut. They are helpful in the treatment of heartburn and peptic ulcers. It’s the oil and protein in the nut, and their interaction with the gastric juices/acids.that promotes this beneficial effect.
Almonds are also credited as a cure for cancer. Dr. Harold Manna in his book “The Death of Cancer” explains how amygdaline destroys cancer cells. Amygdaline is present in the sweet almond however the bitter almond contains a ferment, emulsion which is missing from the sweet variety (found in apricot/peach pits) The effective agent in amygdaline appears to be a vitamin designated as B-17. As well, the almond has a decent amount Cyanic Acid content (cyanide) within. Unlike regular healthy cells,cancer cells function without oxidative mechanisms and soak up the Cyanic Acid which destroys cancer cells.
Alrighty…I am going to bed.
Something you should NOT MESS WITH in the wild… Or just poison ivy…
You know, the funny thing about my situation is that I knew it was going to happen. That’s right, readers; I have poison oak…or maybe it’s poison ivy or poison sumac…OR it could be the very specific Atlantic variation. Either way, I have a cucumber-slice sized rash on the inside of my right wrist. It itches like holy hellfire (said with a thick Southern accent), and it reminds me of how ridiculously sensitive my skin is (I have been in denial of my sensitive skin since I knew that skin could, in fact, be sensitive).
^^^ This is a really great comparative illustration.
It started as a chain of two tiny bumps (for me, poison ivy/oak/sumac always comes in chains of tiny bumps) on the inside of my right wrist last Thursday evening. I believe I was writing my most recent post before this one. I scratched the bumps, thinking it was a simple bug bite, but then I noted the very odd, sadistic satisfaction I got from scratching those particular bumps…and then the fact that it was two bumps instead of just one. To myself, I thought, “Hmmm…I know that feeling all to well…&$%#.”
^^^ See the nice, neat little chain? Disclaimer: This is not me! And my chain later turned into a conglomeration of bumps.
As a part of my summer research, I am collecting samples of mayflies. Fabulous little creatures, really. Anyway, I have been telling my research partner (whom I shall dub “Mogli”) incessantly, “I am most certainly going to get poison ivy.” Collecting our little jitter-bugs involves climbing down into thickly vegetated areas, in order to reach the creek banks (mayfly larvae are aquatic and must be caught in the water). Well, as one might assume, the closer you get to the water, the more lush plant life there is. So this past Thursday, Mogli and I were out in the field. And this past Thurday, I got a rash.
^^^ This is a larval mayfly. Buddy, you better be freakin’ worth this mess…
The next day when I informed Mogli on my affliction, he chuckled and reminded me that things could be much worse; one of his friends from high school had it in his eye once and the rash covered his whole face! Ironically, as I awoke Saturday morning, it seemed unusually difficult to open my eyes. I must have been tired from all the independence day festivities. I got up, stumbled into the bathroom without looking at myself in the mirror and “relieved” myself of my bladdersome burden (that’s right gentlemen…I said “relieved”; you’re not the only ones who can do it). As I washed my hands, I glanced up…then took a double take.
^^^ Once again, this is not me; I am not a topless young boy. But, this is about what my face looked like for a day…thank goodness only a day…I am too vain for this nonsense.
“Moooomm! It’s in my eyes!!!” That’s right. It was mostly my left eye and a bit on my forehead. Mom called the doctor and had an appointment lined up for me in the next hour. Luckily, I could still see quite clearly so I was able to drive myself across town. I would not have wanted to interfere with my parents workout schedule just because of poison ivy IN MY EYES! (I am kidding…I was fine. We laughed quite hard actually, at the fact that a person whose eyes were swelling shut was going to drive themselves to the doctor. As my mother left for the gym, she called back to me, “Call me if you get stranded at the doctor’s office!” and parted with a jovial laugh. Thanks mom.) Within two large doses or steroid pills and cream (don’t worry…I have more to go) my eye swelling went down quite dramatically and I am basically back to normal on my face. Steroid cream does wonders for your complexion, by the way! The rash on my arm remains. Such is life.
So as usual, in light of my tragedy, I will do my best to enlighten all of you so that you may hopefully avoid these horrible afflictions caused by nature. Read carefully!
1. Avoid the following forms of plant life.
^^^ Poison oak. Note: the center leaf is on the stalk.
^^^ Poison sumac. Note: Longer stalk, more leaves.
^^^ Another nice comparison.
I will now close with some random facts about this evil plants that I found on this really awesome website: http://poisonivy.aesir.com/view/fastfacts.html
Urushiol Oil is Potent
- Only 1 nanogram (billionth of a gram) needed to cause rash
- Average is 100 nanograms for most people
- 1/4 ounce of urushiol is all that is needed to cause a rash in every person on earth
- 500 people could itch from the amount covering the head of a pin
- Specimens of urushiol several centuries old have found to cause dermatitis in sensitive people.
- 1 to 5 years is normal for urushiol oil to stay active on any surface including dead plants
- Derived from urushi, Japanese name for lacquer
Poison Ivy, Oak, and Sumac
- Most common allergy in the country claiming half the population
- Sensitivity to urushiol can develop at any time
- Solutions or cures are those that annihilate urushiol
- Everyone appears to react slightly different to all the remedies.
- Covered by workers compensation in some states (CA, for example)– ironically, California is one of the few states that doesn’t produce these plants.
- First published records of poison ivy in North America date back to 1600s
- Poison Ivy coined by Captain John Smith in 1609
- Western Poison Oak discovered by David Douglas (1799-1834) on Vancouver Island. Douglas fir also named after him.
- People with serious deficiency in cellular (T-cell) immunity such as AIDS patients may not have problems with dermatitis.
Myths vs. Facts
 Myth |
 Fact |
| Poison Ivy rash is contagious. | Rubbing the rashes won’t spread poison ivy to other parts of your body (or to another person). You spread the rash only if urushiol oil — the sticky, resinlike substance that causes the rash — has been left on your hands. |
| You can catch poison ivy simply by being near the plants | Direct contact is needed to release urusiol oil. Stay away from forest fires, direct burning, or anything else that can cause the oil to become airborne such as a lawnmower, trimmer, etc. |
| Leaves of three, let them be | Poison sumac has 7 to 13 leaves on a branch, although poison ivy and oak have 3 leaves per cluster. |
| Do not worry about dead plants | Urushiol oil stays active on any surface, including dead plants, for up to 5 years. |
| Breaking the blisters releases urushiol oil that can spread | Not true. But your wounds can become infected and you may make the scarring worse. In very extreme cases, excessive fluid may need to be withdrawn by a doctor. |
| I’ve been in poison ivy many times and never broken out. I’m immune. | Not necessarily true. Upwards of 90% of people are allergic to urushiol oil, it’s a matter of time and exposure. The more times you are exposed to urushiol, the more likely it is that you will break out with an allergic rash. For the first time sufferer, it generally takes longer for the rash to show up – generally in 7 to 10 days. |
This information is not by me! I DO NOT PLAGIARIZE! The copyright is 1999-2008 by Jim Dunphy. There!
Contemplative…
If I could change one thing about myself, I would change that I care so much about what others think (about me as a person, the decisions I make, the silly things I say and do…etc.). I care so much that it is exhausting. I become paranoid and I waste a ridiculous amount of energy thinking, “Are they whispering about me? What are they saying.” Because chances are, it has nothing to do with me, and even if it is about me, I should think to myself, “SO WHAT?! If they’re going to talk, let them talk!” But no. Instead, these insecure thoughts consume me.
^^^ Perhaps it’s the bad elementary school memories that haunt me…
So, the point of this really short entry is to admit to the world (or just the world wide web) that I am insecure about my relations with others. The first part of fixing a problem is admitting that you have one, and truly my problem is not being confident in myself. Don’t be mistaken; I like myself. But I have a hard time accepting that not every human being in the entire world is going to be incandescently happy with me 100% of the time; that’s not possible if you spend enough time with another person.
What happens is that I will sense tension and then I will panic, trying to fix things, and it usually makes matters worse. So here is my goal: I am going to take a very Taoist approach to this problem. I am going to attempt to stop caring…”cold turkey.”
^^^ I wonder if tai chi would help…hmm…
Now, think to yourself what your own personal weakness is. (it’s self-hate day) Next, try to fix it. The end.
